Monday, December 13, 2010

PS, I Love You [Part 1]

PS, I Love You

Part 1

HOLLY HELD THE BLUE COTTON sweater to her face and the familiar smell immediately
struck her, an overwhelming grief knotting her stomach and pulling at her heart. Pins and
needles ran up the back of her neck and a lump in her throat threatened to choke her. Panic took over. Apart from the low hum of the fridge and the occasional moaning of the pipes, the house was quiet. She was alone. Bile rose to her throat and she ran to the bathroom, where she collapsed to her knees before the toilet.

Gerry was gone and he would never be back. That was the reality. She would never again run
her fingers through his soft hair, never share a secret joke across the table at a dinner party,
never cry to him when she got home from a hard day at work and just needed a hug; she would never share a bed with him again, never be woken up by his fits of sneezes each morning, never laugh with him so much her stomach would ache, never fight with him about whose turn it was to get up and turn the bedroom light off. All that was left was a bundle of memories and an image of his face that became more and more vague each day.

Their plan had been very simple. To stay together for the rest of their lives. A plan that anyone within their circle would agree was accomplishable. They were best friends, lovers and soul mates destined to be together, everyone thought. But as it happened, one day destiny greedily changed its mind.

The end had come all too soon. After complaining of a migraine for a few days, Gerry had
agreed to Holly's suggestion that he see his doctor. This was done one Wednesday on a lunch
break from work. The doctor thought it was due to stress or tiredness and agreed that at the
very worst he might need glasses. Gerry hadn't been happy with that. He had been upset about the idea he might need glasses. He needn't have worried, since as it turned out it wasn't his eyes that were the problem. It was the tumor growing inside his brain.

Holly flushed the toilet, and shivering from the coldness of the tiled floor, she shakily steadied
herself to her feet. He had been thirty years old. By no means had he been the healthiest man on the earth, but he'd been healthy enough to . . . well, to live a normal life. When he was very sick he would bravely joke about how he shouldn't have lived life so safely. Should have taken
drugs, should have drunk more, should have traveled more, should have jumped out of airplanes while waxing his legs . . . his list went on. Even as he laughed about it Holly could see the regret in his eyes. Regret for the things he never made time to do, the places he never saw, and sorrow for the loss of future experiences. Did he regret the life he'd had with her? Holly never doubted that he loved her, but feared he felt he had wasted precious time.

Growing older became something he wanted desperately to accomplish, rather than merely a
dreaded inevitability. How presumptuous they both had been never to consider growing old as an achievement and a challenge. Aging was something they'd both wanted so much to avoid.

Holly drifted from room to room while she sobbed her fat, salty tears. Her eyes were red and
sore and there seemed to be no end to this night. None of the rooms in the house provided her
with any solace. Just unwelcoming silences as she stared around at the furniture. She longed for the couch to hold out its arms to her, but even  it ignored her.

Gerry would not be happy with this, she thought. She took a deep breath, dried her eyes and
tried to shake some sense into herself. No, Gerry would not be pleased at all.

Just as she had every other night for the past few weeks, Holly fell into a fitful sleep in the early hours of the morning. Each day she found herself sprawled uncomfortably across some piece of furniture; today it was the couch. Once again it was the phone call from a concerned friend or family member that woke her up. They probably thought that all she did was sleep. Where were their phone calls when she listlessly roamed the house like a zombie searching the rooms for . . .

for what? What was she expecting to find?

“Hello,” she groggily answered. Her voice was hoarse from all the tears, but she had long since
stopped caring about maintaining a brave face for anyone. Her best friend was gone and nobody understood that no amount of makeup, fresh air or shopping was going to fill the hole in her heart.

“Oh sorry, love, did I wake you?” the concerned voice of Holly's mother came across the line.
Always the same conversation. Every morning her mother called to see if she had survived the night alone. Always afraid of waking her yet always relieved to hear her breathing; safe with the knowledge her daughter had braved the ghosts of the night.

“No, I was just dozing, it's OK.” Always the same answer.

“Your dad and Declan have gone out and I was thinking of you, pet.” Why did that soothing,
sympathetic voice always send tears to Holly's eyes? She could picture her mother's concerned face, eyebrows furrowed, forehead wrinkled with worry. But it didn't soothe Holly. It made her remember why they were worried and that they shouldn't have to be. Everything should be normal. Gerry should be here beside her, rolling his eyes up to heaven and trying to make her laugh while her mother yapped on. So many times Holly would have to hand the phone over to Gerry, as her fit of giggles would take over. Then he would chat away, ignoring Holly as she jumped around the bed pulling her silliest faces and doing her funniest dances just to get him back. It seldom worked.

She “ummed” and “ahhed” throughout the conversation, listening but not hearing a word.

“It's a lovely day, Holly. It would do you the world of good to go out for a walk. Get some fresh

“Um, I suppose.” There it was again, fresh air–the alleged answer to all her problems.

“Maybe I'll call around later and we can have a chat.”

“No thanks, Mum, I'm OK.”


“Well, all right then . . . give me a ring if you change your mind. I'm free all day.”


Another silence.

“Thanks, though.”

“Right then . . . take care, love.”

“I will.” Holly was about to replace the phone when she heard her mother's voice again.

“Oh Holly, I almost forgot. That envelope is still here for you, you know, the one I told you
about. It's on the kitchen table. You might want to collect it, it's been here for weeks now and it might be important.”

“I doubt it. It's probably just another card.”

“No, I don't think it is, love. It's addressed to you and above your name it says . . . oh, hold on
while I get it from the table . . .” The phone was put down, the sound of heels on the tiles
toward the table, chairs screeched against the floor, footsteps getting louder, phone being
picked up . . .

“You still there?”


“OK, it says at the top 'The List.' I'm not sure what that means, love. It's worth just taking a...”

Holly dropped the phone.

............TO BE CONTINUED...........

Sunday, December 12, 2010

PS I Love U

Salam all...

U all pernah tengok movie PS I LOVE U tak? I think most of u mesti layan kan movie ni. I like it damn much. I like to watch romentic comedy punya movie taw. Fit@Oked ni bukanlah person yang movie addicted pun. Cuma bila dah jatuh hati kat certain cerita yang bez tu, so layanlah. 

Kalau movie english, fit suka romentic comedy. Kalau cerita melayu, erm... cerita yang berunsurkan keinsafan kot. Contohnya, TAUBAT NASUHA, cerekarama TV3 tu. Hah, tu memang layan. Sampai nangis2 macam orang tak siuman. Sebab insaf2. Sampai jadi bahan gelak family. haha.

Tapi la ni, fit bukanlah nak cerita pasal cerekarama tu. Fit cuma nak share pasal cerita PS I LOVE U tu,. FIt get it from its novel. So, for those yang suke cerita ni, bolehlah ikuti ya. I'll update eposide by episode. Thus, let's enjoy d story.....

PS I Love U


Holly Kennedy is beautiful, smart and married to the love of her life - a passionate, funny, and impetuous Irishman named Gerry. So when Gerry's life is taken by an illness, it takes the life out of Holly. The only one who can help her is the person who is no longer there. Nobody knows Holly better than Gerry. So it's a good thing he planned ahead. 

Before he died, Gerry wrote Holly a series of letters that will guide her, not only through her grief, but in rediscovering herself. The first message arrives on Holly's 30th birthday in the form of a cake, and to her utter shock, a tape recording from Gerry, who proceeds to tell her to get out and "celebrate herself". In the weeks and months that follow, more letters from Gerry are delivered in surprising ways, each sending her on a new adventure and each signing off in the same way; P.S. I Love You. 

Holly's mother and best friends begin to worry that Gerry's letters are keeping Holly tied to the past, but in fact, each letter is pushing her further into a new future. With Gerry's words as her guide, Holly embarks on a journey of rediscovery in a story about marriage, friendship and how a love so strong can turn the finality of death into a new beginning for life.............................................................................


Salam Sayang....

Di keheningan malam, sambil melayan blog, membuatkan aku teringat kembali  mimpi ngeri beberapa bulan lalu. Di saat aku merasakan nyawaku bukan di sini lagi.... Oh tuhanku, apakah hikmah di sebaliknya...

Kepada yang sudi, marilah kongsi pengalaman ini ...

Keganasan Israil meragut nyawaku..


Keadaan di rumah sungguh sugul dan cuaca memang panas. Yang sedihnya pula, pangganas Israil datang menyerang kawasan kami. Dan aku dapat information yang diaorang akan bunuh penghuni setiap rumah. Mak aku khabaq, rumah aku akan diserang pada pkul 3.30 petang. aku takuttttt... Ya Allah, sedihnya aku.. Aku akan kehilangan family.. Tetapi aku seakan tak percaya bahawa kami akan terkorban dalam serangan tu. Aku tak keruan. Sekejap aku pergi kat mak aku, aku cium mak aku. Aku akan berpisah dengan mak sebentar je lagi.. Antara percaya dengan tidak.. Jam menunjukkan pukul 3.20 ptng. Aku tak solat lagi masa tu. Aku terfikir, takkan aku nak meninggalkan dunia tanpa bekalan yang cukup.. sesungguhnya aku amat takut. terlalu sedikit amalan aku untuk di bawa sebentar lagi. Aku ke bilik air, nak mengambil wudu'.. tapi aku tak jadi, aku keluar semula..aku terlalu buntu ketika itu. Bunyi tembakan bertalu2 di rumah jiran sebelah. Dapat aku bayangkan bagaimana keluarga mereka bermandi darah. Ya Tuhan, mengapa mereka lakukan semua ni.. Ya Allah, tolong hentikan kejahatan mereka.." aku Berdoa di dalam hati..

Hatta, aku mengendap ke luar, seorang pengganas Israil sedang duduk di tepi rumah aku, menanti jam 3.30 untuk melaksanakan tugas menghancurkan Islam di muka bumi. Aku terfikir untuk bersembunyi agar aku terlepas dari tembakan tu. Tapi, kalau aku dapat menyelamatkan diri, bagaimana pula dengan kehidupan aku selepas ni tanpa ahli keluargaku. Aku sangat sayangkan mereka. Tanpa ibuku dan familyku, tentu aku hilang arah.. Jadi aku decide untuk pergi bersama mereka. Aku redha dengan ketentuan-Nya.

Jam 3.25 aku call Isa. Tp dia tido masa tu dan dia jawab dalam keadaan mamai. Aku beritahu dia, sebentar lagi, mungkin kami akan dipeluru oleh Pengganas2 itu. Tapi dia macam tak percaya, dia kata kami akan terselamat. Aku jawab " tak.... mmg semua akan terkorban. semua orang kata, kami memang tak akan dapat selamatkan diri". masa tu aku kat rumah depan dengan mak dan adik aku. Tiba2, kedengaran bunyi tembakan di rumah aku. Daaaassss!!!!! aaaa!!!!! aku takut.. Inilah rupanya apa yang dilalui oleh rakyat palestin selama ni. Aku tak letak phone lg, aku beritahu Isa, " Is, mereka dah serang kami, Fit nk nyorok dlu". Tanpa berlengah, aku terus masuk bawah sofa.. aku lihat, mak dan adik aku terus berlari ke dapur.. Peluru hampir2 terkena yaya dan mak tapi Alhamdulillah mereka terselamat. Ya tuhanku, terima kasih kerana menyelamatkan mereka...

 Dan bila mereka melepaskan peluru dari bahagia hadapan rumah, hampir terkena aku.. Aku keluar dari bawah sofa, dan cuba ikut mak dan adik lari ke dapur.. handphone masih di genggamanku. Mungkin Isa dengar setiap yang berlaku. 

Sedang aku cuba berlari, tiba2...............

Tepat2 peluru menembusi belakangku. AAAAAaaaaaaaaaa!!!! aku menjerit. aaaaaa!!!!!!! menjerit kali kedua dalam keadaan lemah.. Dan waktu itu, aku terasa dunia hampir jauh dariku.. belakang badanku terasa hangat.. Hangatnya darah mengalir..Hatta, aku terus terhidu seakan2 bawu wangian mawar.. Ya Tuhanku!!!! Inikah takdir kematianku??.. Aku seakan x percaya pada mulanya yang nyawaku akan berakhir sekitar jam 3.30 ptg. Dan aku decide untuk pergi bersama2 keluargaku.. tetapi, rupanya aku pergi sendirian. Semua keluargaku terselamat, kecuali aku. Kenapa aku pergi ke ruang tamu tadi..

Ya tuhanku, kalaulah aku tak beredar ke ruang tamu rumahku, dan masih stay di dapur dapur, mungkin aku bernasib baik seperti ahli keluargaku yang lain.. Tapi, segalanya telah tertulis. Allah lebih tahu segala-galanya.

Tetapi aku sedih kerana aku tak sempat solat zuhur tadi. Kalau lah aku wuduk dan solat tadi, dan menyerahkan diri sepenuhnya kepada ALlah, duduk di atas sejadah sementara nyawaku berakhir, aku akan lebih tenang.. Ya Allah, ampkun aku. Ampunkan aku Ya Tuhanku. Aku buntu di ketika itu...

Terlalu sedikit amalan yang ingin ku bawa untuk berhadapan denganMu Ya Allah.. Betapa sedihnya aku. Tetapi tiada apa yang dapat aku ubah lagi. Aku tak bisa mengundurkan masa. Kalaulah aku guna seelok2nya masa yang aku ada semasa hayatku, Aku tak akan rasa takut begini... Aku yang salah... Aku yang Salah!!!!!!!! Ya Allah, tolonglah hambamu ini buat terakhir kalinya...... kembalikan aku ke dunia agar aku dapat mengubah hidupku.. Ya Allah...........

MAtaku terbuka perlahan.. sangat perlahan... Astaghfirullah...

Ya Allah, apakah ini petunjukkmu buatku agar aku muhasabah diriku....
Alhamdulillah, terima kasih ya Tuhanku, kerana pintu hidayah masih terbuka untuk ummatMu yang kadangkala alfa ini...

Sedarilah rakan2 sekalian, waktunya pasti akan tiba. cuma kita tak tahu bila. Andai dapat sesuatu petunjuk, maka bersyukurlah. walaupun ini hanya mimpi, tapi banyak terkandung pengajaran dan petunjuk. memanglah mimpi mainan tidur, tapi kalau positive, eloklah kte jadikan iktibar. bila semuanya sudh berakhir, barulah kita ingin kembalikan masa itu. Aku bersyukur kerana ini hanya mimpi. andai ini adalah kejadian sebenar, cuba bayangkan... Renung2 kan.... Selamat Beramal)....

Dan selang beberapa minggu mimpi ini menggamit tidurku, aku dikejutkan dengan berita Benar serangan Israil di palestin. Dan aku dapat membayangkan betapa siksanya mereka di sana.. Ya Tuhanku, bantulah mereka.... Amin.


Thursday, December 9, 2010

Tak mungkin berpaling

Tidak mungkin kuberpaling lagi
Salah sangka yang direncanakan
Gelora melanda
Adalah dendammu
Setelah diriku
Tak mampu menjadi milikmu
Cukup sudah hati berdarah
Usah ditambah cerita yang sudah
Di mana kekasihmu
Yang pernah kau sanjungi
Mengapa pula padaku
Menjadi pelepas ceritamu
Dan jua sepimu
Usah menabur budi
Mengharapkan simpati
Sedangkan kau menitip
Cemburu iri hati
Tak mungkin kuberpaling
Padamu yang meracuni
Rimbunan kasihku
Sehingga berguguran
Kelopak cinta kita
Kerana mu, tak lagi mengerti hatiku

Sehingga berguguran
Kelopak cinta kita
Kerana fitnahmu
Walau segunung sesalmu
Tak mungkin kukembali
Cukuplah sekali
Menggamit pilu
Tidak mungkin kumaafkan lagi
Salah sangka yang direncanakan
Adalah dendammu
Setelah diriku
Tak mampu menjadi milikmu

"Looking Great Smile 2010 contest by Zainatun Adilah"

nAK join contest laaaa...

contest ape yer ? yesza, tetiba terjumpa "LOOKING GREAT SMILE 2010 CONTEST by ZAINATUN ADILAH" . look great..

jum la join contest ni . senang je. contest ni berakhir pada 21 disember ni . so , sempat lagi kan kalau korang nak join . hmm , nak tau lebih lanjut tentang contest ni ? hah , let's click here .

Taraaa!!! ini lah pic aku yang tak sebarapa ni. Tapi aku suka sebab sopan gitu.... Smile alwayzzzzz ya....

Bila ku tersenyum, Segalanya berubah.. Duka menjadi suka, hidup jadi ceria.

tag lima orang kawan :

Thursday, December 2, 2010

1st day practical

Salam Sayang....

hye fren, camne dengan practical korang tadi??
Mesti seronottt kan?? Aku dengar wafi kena susun file??? ahakss...
Beb, kena buli ke??? jangan marah yer wafi.. just joking.king.king.kong!

Pagi tadi aku keluar awal. Kol 730 dah bertolak dari rumah. Mak dah belikan bekal nasi lemak. Huh! ngantuk la den mam nasi lemak. Tadi first day keje Is hantar sebab dia off hari ni. Thxs to Is yang comey loteeee tu sebab nak temankan fit ni p keje yer. 

Sampai je kat rumah dia, mak dia kata dia tido lagi! What??? Time dah near 730. Oh no. Padahal masuk 830. Sempat sangat2. Lebih kurang 20 min je p tempat keje dari rumah mak. Aku ingatkan mak Is memain, cakap dia tido lagi. Sebab diaorang tu suka wat surprise. But then, bila aku tengok memang btul pun dia tido lagi. Dengan gelabahnya dia tengok aku dah siap, dia terus bangun capai towel, go to shower. Ha Ha. Gelabah cicak ke beb!!! 

Aku tak expert lagi drive kat jalan busy. Sebab manje sangat, slalu ke mana pun Is drive. So, tadi aku kena drive sendiri. Huh, drive je la cara aku. Hu Hu kelakar. Saya budak malas drive la katakan. 

Sampai sudah di depan office. Awal. Bagus2. Jam 8.00 a.m lagi dah sampai. Pintu office pun mangga lagi. TUnggu je la kat kete. And bila boss dah sampai, aku pun masuk office and Is bawak la kete balik. Bubbyyyeeee!!!

Masuk2 je, kena fotostat beberapa helai document. Then, kak ima kata aku kena buat audit. Hu Hu. betul2 Mrs Tan bagi aku keje. Sebab 2 days ago, aku ada call dia, tanya aku kena buat ape dulu kalau masuk keje hari ni. Dia kata, "u  datang jer and nanti I bagi je u apa keje yang ada". Ha Ha. Lastly Dia suruh kak Ima ajar buat Audit.

Nasib baik la senang. Sebab b4 degree aku dah ada serba sedikit experience kat audit firm. But aku cuma set up full Acct jer. And tadi tak lah kekok sangat bila nampak invoice, voucher payment, and segala2 file yang berkenaan tu. Kira faham la nak refer yang mana satu. Cuma kalau ada kekeliruan, aku tanya kak Ima. But totally, i think ok. 

Khusyuk buat audit, sedar2 jam dah pukul 12 noon. huh, 1 hour je lagi nak rehat. Nak makan!!! Hungry3. yang tak bleh terima tu aku asik menyangap jer. Depan tu boss jer, aku selamba sangap2.. kadang lupa tutup mulut. memang tak senonoh kan.. Ngantuk beb.. Sebab dok uma asik tido3. ambik kau!! 

But totally ok la. Bos ok. Baik. Kak Ima pun baik. So semangat la nak p keje untuk esok hari.

pukul 3.00 p.m aku dah tak sabar nak balik. Ok fit sabar2. lagi 2 jam setengah jer lagi. sabar yer.

Pukul 4.00 plak.. Ok, cket jer lagi......

Pukul 5.00... yahooo... setengah jam lagi

tara!!! 5.30... Yes!!! 

But sorang pun xde muka nak balik. Kak ima tanya aku tak nak balik lagi ke. Mesti lah nak tapi dia sendiri pun balik lambat cket. Mrs Tan pun buat keje lagi. Dia tak suruh aku balik. Aku segan!!! ha ha.

Aku msg Is, dia dah datang amik aku tak. dia kata baru btolak. Hampeh!! aku dah hangin gak tapi buat2 cool. Aku tak balas msg dia.

Tak lama kemudian aku baca msg, dia tanya aku dah keluar ke???? ayat risau la konon.

Aku balas " xpe la u, kalau U tak sampai lagi I tak turun dulu. I boleh siapkan keje I lagi ni"...

Dia reply, " ok, U siapkan la keje tu dulu, B dah lama dah sampai".....

Ha Ha, kuang asam.. dia main2 kan aku. Hah, rupanya dia dah lama tungu aku kat bawah.

Aku kemas2 barang,. aaaaa Segannya nak cakap kat Mrs Tan, aku nak balik... Lastly keluar jugak dari mulut aku,,, "Mrs Tan, I dah boleh balik tak????" ala2 sopan gitu. 

Yer fiza, I nak tengok muka U.. Oooo Ima, I rasa kita tak cukup buli fiza la.. Sebab muka dia senyum jer nak balik,.. xde sedih pun" .. Ha HA.. Dia joking. 

"thank you semua, ajar fiza tadi".. he he

LA la la la la la... lenggang lenggok mak minah keluar office. Hah,dah nampak wkg tunggu kat bawah. Terus jer buka pintu, masuk n duduk. "Youuuuu, dah lama ke tunggu!!!!"...

"Eh, kenapa U duduk situ??, aku pelik. Apa salah aku duduk kat kerusi kete aku. Oh gosh!! baru aku ingat, aku kena drive... hahahaha...

"Dengan muka tak b'salah U duduk citu aek. Ni tempat U, kata Is sambil tunjuk tempat driver. Yela, aku dah excited balik keje, kebetulan dia nga tido kat tmpt driver,. So aku dengan yakin la dok sebelah.

Dengan muka seposen aku kena lah keluar and tukar tempat. Aku ingat aku dapat relax la, balik keje ada orang drive untuk aku. .Hampeh!! Tp mmg patut pun, sampai bila aku nak harapkan orang jer. 

Drive la aku sampai ke rumah.. Toksah cite la, segan jer. Sampai kan aku cakap ngan Is, esok nak p keje naik bas. Ha ha. But, tomorrow aku dah kena drive sorang p keje.. Pandai2 la nak idup...

Balik jer tdo awal gak tadi. But pukul 130 terjaga. Adik aku masak megi curry fevret aku. Sanggup bangun.. After makan, dah siapkan baju nak p keje esok. Dan mesti lah kena cite pengalaman ni kat blog kan.. untuk kawan2 sekelas khasnya yer. Hah, korang bila lagi nak cite kat kak fiza ni, pengalaman first day korang????

Anyway, harap segalanya berjalan lancar lah yer. Chaiyokkkkk untuk diri sendiri n kawan2...

Miss u all!!!........ muah3

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